Governor McGreevey and the Gay Community

On Thursday in his address to the State of New Jersey, Governor McGreevey, while announcing that he is gay, said:
"For this is an intensely personal decision, and not one typically for the public domain."
Presumably, the personal decision to which the Governor referred was his announcement that he is a "gay American".
While it is true that we "live in the greatest nation with the tradition of civil liberties, the greatest tradition of civil liberties in the world, in a country that provides so much to its people," America has not always shown, and in many cases still does not today, respect and tolerance to those not heterosexually oriented.
To use just one example, although New Jersey prohibits discrimnation based on sexual orientation and grants limited domestic partners benefits to gay men and women, many of this state's public schools are not safe places for bisexual, gay, lesbian, or transgender students to learn. Some schools have in the recent past ignored, even encouraged and tolerated, harassment based on sexual orientation. Or they have applied a different set of disciplinary standards to cases of gay prejudice and violence effectively establishing a double standard.
Despite the fact that several years ago a northern New Jersey school district was sued and found liable for allowing a gay student to be attacked and verbally abused, just now are public schools in New Jersey seriously adopting comprehensive anti-gay harassment policies following a no-bullying bill passed by the current Governor and an administrative ruling from the state division of civil rights concerning a school in Toms River, NJ.
(see "Schools check for compliance with discrimination ruling from The Press of Atlantic City, August 14, 2004; http://www.pressofatlanticcity.com/news/atlantic/0814044SCHOOLRULING.cfm)
Why are we only now addressing the longstanding issue of anti-gay discrimination and prejudice in our public schools? Why do we even need to be told by the courts and government that the schools have a duty to provide a safe environment in which students can learn?
So the decision to acknowledge one's sexual orientation is a personal choice, but it is a personal choice that for now at least always carries with it very public consequences. And that is unfortunate. That is our failing as a society and a state. It remains to be seen whether we as a people and as a nation will have the courage to admit and try to change our mistakes. The Governor of New Jersey has disclosed and taken responsibility for his failings.
Of course the other side of coming out involves growth and reflection, personhood and self-concept, and a spectrum of other interpersonal issues that require support, nurturing, and acceptance. And that is the main point of this letter.
The "gay community" has both its Mr. Hyde and Dr. Jekyl sides: from altruism to self-absorption, from body worship to AIDSphobia, from acceptance to arrogance, the gay community has shown both dignity and grace as well as cattiness and meanspiritedness. The gay community needs to be magnanimous and supportive at this time and they most not play into political expediency and political correctness.
The gay community---of all people---know the difficulty of coming out and the wrenching choices that are attendent on that kind of announcement. And so, despite our differences, we should unite in support around what is, so far as I know, the first governor in the nation's history to govern as an openly gay man. The Governor, who has of course resigned due to circumstantial factors concerning his political office, will serve for only twelve weeks during which he will facilitate the transition of the excutive administration in the State to the New Jersey Senate President, Richard Codey, also a Democrat, as prescribed by New Jersey's constitutional system.
But during that time the gay community needs must support this gay man as he becomes the first openly gay American governor in United States history. We have an obligation, indeed a responsibility, to do so without reservation or hesitation. The gay community knows the costs of living true to one's self. That is not to confuse being closeted and coming out with living a secret life or a lie. Human beings hopefully grow and develop their natural potential thoroughout their lives. Human adulthood is just one stage of a larger process; not a place of divine judgement and moral certitude.
Our truth as a community of bisexual, gay, lesbian, transgendered, and questioning men and women is that living as we were created too often involves risks and vulnerabilities that heterosexual persons do not confront. That truth requires we exercise acceptance, grace, and respect to our brothers and sisters who need our support more than ever in their lives because they are coming out. So let's support Governor McGreevey as a fellow human being and as we would want to be supported despite the allegations and charges that will be leveled against him. Only we as persons similarly situated can understand what this man is going through. We can not both be proud of his decision and support him one day, and abandon him the next. Let's recognize this event as an opportunity to support our gay brother and as an educational moment. We can help another person and teach society our truths as gay Americans together. Let's be there for him.
The other day's historic announcement by Gov. James E. McGreevey that he is a gay American underscores a number of important issues that need to aired.
There are two questions at issue: one has to do with the governor's sexuality; the other has to do with the legal and political ramifications emanating from the governor's status as a closeted gay man.
At first I thought that these issues were really separate, and in significant ways they are different in kind. But even more significantly is the important ways in which these issues are connected; that is, how the yarns are entwined. And it illustrates the danger that all people who are not heterosexually oriented find themselves in. It presents a quandry, a catch-22, of sorts, in that to be openly gay has real negative consequences in a nation where, in over half the states, one may be fired from their job simply for being homosexual. On the other hand, to be a closeted gay man has, as we have seen in Gov. McGreevey's case undesirable and negative consequences too.
The tragedy here is that the danger persons of non-heterosexual orientation live with everyday provided the type of environment and culture where such an incident as this could happen in a state that has a non-discrimination policy to protect individuals from discrimination based on sexual orientation. Recall it was just in June that the United States Supreme Court reversed its former decision in Bowers v. Hardwick and stated that no state may criminalize private consensual sexual activity between persons of the same sex.
As a public figure we as New Jerseyans must recognize and accept the governor's judgement that his ability to govern has been compromised, that in order to lift the burden of that vulnerability the he has bravely (and uncharacteristically for most politicians I might add) come out as a gay American governor, and that he will resign the governorship as a result of the impropriety of his actions following the orderly constitutional process prescribed by this state's constitution.
The Governor has a duty to ensure the smooth and seemless transition of executive administrations so that the business of New Jersey will continue without interuption.
While Mr. McGreevey exercised poor judgement in naming his lover to an important state security post, no crime was committed and the vetting process ensured by New Jersey's constitutional system in fact worked by eliminating Golan Cipel from consideration and preventing his confirmation for lack of credentials. This is the kind of checks-and-balances buil into American and New Jersey's democratic and constitutional process to prevent this very situation. And the system worked and worked well.
I would remind my Republican friends that using poor judgement and naming unqualified individuals to government posts is no crime. And if it were a crime, the entire state executive, legislature, and judiciary would be occupying our state's prisons. And those behind bars would be Democrats and Republicans alike. I remind the people of Christie Whitman and Parson's Technology/DMV Inspection contract and her other sweetheart deal with EZPass. The Republicans ought to be wary of the waters in this river. Again, the system of constitutional balance worked as it was intended. Given human foibles and frailities, the constitution of New Jersey safeguards the interests of the people.
Having said that I would also remind my Republican friends that the Governor need not even resign because he broke no law so far as we now know, and frankly it was refreshing to hear a public servant tell the truth for a change without excuse and while taking personal responsibilty for his actions. The Governor is resigning because he believes it is the honorable thing to do.
The Republicans looking under rocks and trees for some way to force an election is an attempt to undermine the orderly constitutional system in this state. There simply are no legal grounds to remove the Governor. And if there were an election, a Democrat would win. The reason why New Jersey's Republican Party appears weak is because New Jersey has a tradition of progressive reform and the national Republican Party's swing towards rightwing extremism has isolated progressive and liberal Republicans, and independents who might support them.
I'm glad to hear Genevieve Wood's (spokesperson for the FRC) acknowledgement that Gov. McGreevey's resignation has nothing to do with his sexuality. I'm happy to hear a spokesperson from the Family Research Council admit that sexuality is not a qualification for holding public office. Nor should it be.
But the reality of the situation in New Jersey is that Jim McGreevey would not have been elected governor, indeed, may not have secured the Democratic Party's nomination to run for governor, were he an out gay man. That is the tragedy of a person being held hostage over their own sexuality.The irony is that being honest about your sexuality in New Jersey today may have the same effect.
What Jim McGreevey did was an act of decency, heroism, and honesty. But at the same time, it was the circumstances that led to his courageous announcement, that requires that the Governor resign and does not permit him to continue governing.
Whitman noted in By Blue Ontario's Shore "...without extinction is liberty, without retrograde is equality..." The sad truth of America today is that too often there is still neither equal protection nor due process for some gay men and lesbians. And until the cultural, political, and social barriers that prevent gay Americans from fully participating in the blessings of liberty are removed, sexuality will remain an obstacle to public service and political equality.
As Whitman writes:
By silence or obedience the pens of savans, poets, historians,biographers, and the rest, have longconnived at the filthy law, and books enslaved to it,that what makes the manhood of a man, that sex,womanhood, maternity, desires, lusty animations,organs, acts, are unmentionable and to be ashamedof, to be driven to skulk out of literature with whateverbelongs to them. This filthy law has to be repealed---it stands in the way of great reforms.
It is a sad statement that today in New Jersey there are no openly gay public officials at the state level or higher. But that fact speaks volumes about how far we as a state, let alone nation, have to go before we achieve full equality and full participation for all Americans no matter how they are oriented. It underscores the danger and fearful consequences that all gay men and women live with in the United States. It is a situation with which we must urgently deal.
As a gay Anmerican and a gay New Jerseyan who has experienced the pain of discrimination and retribution, fear and loathing, I would caution Republicans from pushing this issue. New Jersey has a proud tradition of progressive government and reform dating back to Woodrow Wilson and even earlier. And the Republicans would be ill-advised to take political advantage of this Governor's humanity.
While we try to sort out the details of why Jim McGreevey has resigned as Governor of New Jersey, we ought to be mindful of the human story behind his announcement and actions that transcends the merely political and legal aspects that, no doubt, will be the obsessive focus of media attention.
Coming out as a gay man or woman is no easy task. I know that based on personal experience. We live in a society, while now more accepting of gay Americans, is still hardly hospitable to homosexuals as evidenced by the recent debate over "gay marriage".
Fortunately, my parents taught my brother and I to stand up for what we believe in, to always tell the truth, and to never let go of our dreams. Having learned that lesson, I was in a fortunate situation when I came out to my family and friends at age twenty-one.
Coming out is a process and that process is different for each person. At this difficult time in his life, we need to be supportive of the Jim McGreevey as a human being.
The legal and political system will run its course, the processes of law and government will work as they were designed to operate. The Governor will be judged, one hopes appropriately, and without prejudice or preconceptions.
In the final analysis I hope that some good comes from this unfortunate situation.
In my heart I hope that this truth will serve as a lesson to others---in personal circumstances, private situations, political life, and public service---that truth does matter. We need not be afraid of our soul---no matter how it is oriented--- for fear will only serve to obscure the truth from ourselves and others. The truth of our lives and experiences as gay men and women are valid, real, and consequential. We need to stand up for ourselves and be proud of who we are knowing that we are part of a greater reality.
And most importantly, I hope that one day in America, anyone can be elected to public office and serve their country irrespective of their sexual orientation.
Finally, we have a responsibility as free citizens to learn about the complexity of the coming out process. I would caution that because one is not out does not mean a person is being dishonest or that they are hiding. It simply means that are at a particular stage in a process that we as a society are only coming to understand and hopefully, one day, to accept.
Five Stage Model of Coming Out Process
I. Pre-Coming Out
II. Coming Out
III. Exploration
IV. First Relationships
V. Identity Integration
Eli Coleman in “Developmental Stages of the Coming Out Process” surveys current social scientific and behavioral research and proposes a five stage model of the coming out process [see Figure 5 ]. (Coleman, 32-39) He identifies the following stages of the coming out process: Pre-coming Out; Coming Out; Exploration; First Relationships; and, Identity Integration. (Coleman, 32-39) The pre-coming out stage is associated with feelings of alienation, being alone and different, and low self-esteem. Moreover, as Coleman notes, individuals in the pre-coming out stage often employ the psychological defense mechanisms of denial, repression, reaction formation, sublimation, and rationalization to prevent the existential crisis that may occur when the individual, family, and society confronts a deviant sexual orientation. (Coleman, 32-39)
Coleman writes that the individual in the coming out stage is signified by conscious and semi-conscious perceptions of oneself as something other than what they are assumed to be or labeled as being. In some cases this dawning perception is that one is an autonomous, self-defining agent. Although one may not, perhaps, have a clear understanding of this new authenticity as a self- directed human being, there is awareness, acknowledgement, and the rudiments of a more genuine self-identification. (Coleman, 33-34)
Conscious and semi-conscious thoughts of the absurdity of existence, of radical human freedom, and the possibility of creating one’s own essence are not the only signs characteristic of the coming out stage. Coleman also observes that telling others, or self-disclosure, and the need for external validation is vital to coming out and healthy self-acceptance. (Coleman, 34)
Coleman notes that self-disclosure involves risk taking in that the individual can never definitively know prior to the act of disclosure the reaction of those to whom one comes out. These risks---of rejection, ridicule, and hurt---are balanced against the need for external validation. (Coleman, 34) If the reactions to self-disclosure are positive, internalized oppression may evaporate, self-esteem may improve, and the existential crisis may begin to successfully resolve itself. If the reactions are negative, however, oppressive notions may be reinforced, sealing stereotypes in the mind, and planting the seeds of self-loathing and self-hatred. (Coleman, 34-35)
Coleman’s third stage, the exploration phase, is characterized by experimenting with one’s new identity. This stage provides an opportunity to honestly and openly interact with others within the context of one’s new identity. Coleman describes the events of this stage as a sort of “crashing out”: the individual may exhibit signs of awkwardness during the intensity of the exploration phase. Individuals in this stage are occupied with developing interpersonal skills, a sense of personal attractiveness; and sensual, sexual, and spiritual competence to support their newly created self-identity. (Coleman, 35-37)
The last two stages of Coleman’s model are first relationships and identity integration. First relationships represent the need for intimacy which is often developed within the context of long-term committed relationships. From a social learning perspective, the goal of first relationships is to understand how one may develop intimate relationships---that combine both emotional depth and sexual desire---in a patriarchal society where the norm is opposite-sex only marriages that are based on the distribution of wealth, the commodification of sexuality, and the disregard of emotive needs. (Coleman, 38)
Coleman asserts that the final stage of coming out, identity integration, incorporates the private, or hidden, self into the public, or role-bound, self. This synthesis facilitates the emergence of a solid, aesthetic, creative, self-defined identity and self-image characterized by non-possessiveness, mutual trust, and freedom. (Coleman, 39)
Coleman, however, also notes that the resolution of the conflict between the public face one allows others to see and the hidden truth of one’s self-identity, as manifested in the pre-coming out stage, ultimately requires resolution. The choices he offers for the resolution of this existential dilemma are these: suicide; hiding one’s true feelings and desires; or, bravely squaring off with the existential crisis of being different and deviating from the prefabricated roles that society demands human beings assume. By acknowledging the universal condition that individual human beings possess differences that enrich being human, individuals challenge the cultural barriers that prevent them from realizing their own authenticity and freedom. (Coleman, 39)
Source: adapted from Eli Coleman (1982). “Developmental Stages of the Coming Out Process” in John C. Gonsiorek, ed. (1985). A Guide to Psychotherapy with Gay and and Lesbian Clients. New York: Harrington Park Press.